


Tales From A Normal Life

by cream_pudding



Series: In Pursuit Of A Normal Life [5]
Category: Final Fantasy VII, Final Fantasy VIII, Kingdom Hearts
Genre: Alternate Universe, Established Relationship, Fluff, M/M, Series, Slice of Life
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-04
Updated: 2017-04-04
Packaged: 2018-10-14 15:45:21
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 17,046
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10539546
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cream_pudding/pseuds/cream_pudding
Summary: Apossiblecollection of short stories based during and after the events of my series -





	

**Author's Note:**

> Hey guys!
> 
> It's been a year since I first posted [The Search for Absolution](https://archiveofourown.org/works/>A%20Small%20Glimpse</a>%20which%20started%20me%20off%20on%20writing%20the%20<em>'In%20Pursuit%20of%20a%20Normal%20Life'</em>%20series,%20and%20also%20got%20my%20love%20of%20writing%20flowing.%0A%0AI've%20got%20this%20short%20story%20to%20offer%20up%20to%20anyone%20still%20interested%20in%20this%20series.%0A%0AThe%20aim%20is%20to%20write%20more%20stories,%20and%20have%20each%20chapter%20be%20it's%20own%20thing.%20Right%20now%20I've%20only%20got%20this%20story,%20and%20I%20don't%20know%20if%20I%20will%20write%20more,%20but%20feel%20free%20to%20subscribe%20to%20this%20so%20you%20can%20be%20informed%20if%20I%20ever%20do%20add%20more.%0A%0AThis%20story%20is%20called%20-%20<b>Wintersday%20in%20Wutai</b>%20and%20it's%20set%20about%206%20months%20after%20the%20end%20of%20<a%20href=). Cloud goes to visit his brother, Roxas.
> 
> I hope you enjoy :)

A clock ticked. 

A guitar gently strummed.

Both men sat in contemplation. But Zack broke the silence, “Do you want to go, Cloud? We can if you want to. I really don’t mind.”

Zack was met with silence for a solid minute. He just continued to strum his instrument, working his nervous anticipation out through his fingers.

“You really _don’t_ mind?”

“I really don’t,” he encouraged with a smile.

* * *

 

Wintersday had been a month away, and although it had been nearly imperceptible, Zack had noticed the shift in Cloud’s mood. So - fueled by curiosity - and finally being in a position where he felt it was all right to go prying into Cloud’s personal affairs, he had asked - 

“Cloud, you don’t have to answer but… what’s wrong? Why does Wintersday get you so down?”

“Roxas didn’t tell you?” Cloud had exclaimed, with wide eyes.

Zack had shaken his head and smiled, “I guess he does respect your privacy to some extent?”

“Hmm… maybe.”

Cloud had remained quiet for a while longer, gazing up at the ceiling of their bedroom.

Zack had just stayed silent with his arm draped over Cloud’s bare waist, rubbing the palm of his hand over the soft flesh beneath it.

“Mom died - the day after Wintersday,” Cloud had said, almost inaudibly.

And then Zack had been gobsmacked. 

* * *

 

That is why he was having this conversation with Cloud right now.

Getting that insight had explained everything. Because Zack knew that life for Cloud and Roxas had turned sour after that time. Not immediately, but it all had been a very slow and invisible downward spiral from there.

So Zack had felt it important to help Cloud create new, positive memories of this time of year. 

It’s what he had always tried to do for the orphans at the church. Cloud was as much an orphan as any of the kids Zack had taken care of when he took them out of Wutai. So it only seemed natural that he needed to do the same for Cloud.

He wanted Cloud to be with his remaining family and the friends he had made down there. 

“But what about you?” Cloud continued to insist as they sat together on the lounge, enjoying a quiet evening in.

“I’ll be fine. I managed to go down there all by myself last year, remember? I’ll be even better now that I’ve got you with me,” Zack smiled and set his guitar aside.

Cloud was ’umming’ and 'ahhing’, so Zack interfered. He sidled up to Cloud, and straddled his hips. Kisses were placed here, there and everywhere. Hair was ruffled and fingers found their way into Cloud’s most ticklish of spots.

Zack loved the way Cloud’s smile lit up his whole face, and room, and most of all Zack’s heart.

When tears of mirth started rolling down reddening cheeks Zack stopped, smiling down at Cloud beneath him and pushing blonde hair out of the way, so he could see Cloud’s rosy complexion and sparkling eyes.

Cloud settled after a few more fits of laughter burbled out of him and he gave an exasperated, albeit happy huff. “You sure about this?”

Zack nodded and gave Cloud his most reassuring grin.

“I don’t wanna trouble you.”

“It’s no trouble at all, Sunshine.”

“I know you do things because you’re putting me first,” Cloud kept pushing, like that would somehow deter Zack.

But it wouldn’t because Zack felt like he would do anything for Cloud. “Yeah, well putting you first makes me happy. Don’t you want to see me happy?” he teased.

Cloud gave an adorably defeated roll of eyes and a gentle smile, before finally relented with an, “All right then.”

Zack leaned down, placing more kisses and causing more giggles to spring forth.

So that was how and why Zack and Cloud arrived in Wutai the day before Wintersday on their bikes.

It had been a major expedition. Rupert and Denzel had been packed into the truck, laden with supplies and presents. Cloud and Zack rode their motorcycles in a convoy down to the church. They had stopped by for several days, having an early Wintersday celebration with Aerith, Vincent and all the children.

Gifts had been presented, games had been played, and performances had been given on the church stage. And after that they had continued down the road and over the sea.

Cloud had dreaded it, and Zack hadn’t been able to understand why… until he had found Cloud above deck, looking green and hanging over the railing.

Zack had laughed and given soothing pats and gentle squeezes.

“And here I thought you couldn’t get any more adorable.”

“Shut uhhuuurgh-.” 

Zack had laughed even more at Cloud’s violent hurling.

Landfall had seen Cloud perk up again though, which had been a relief.

* * *

 

They pulled into the car parking lot around the side of the Eastern Wutai Restoration Team’s headquarters late in the evening.

Zack couldn’t stifle the yawns. He was well and truly exhausted from the days upon days of journeying across the continent and down to Wutai. Cloud didn’t look any better either. The seasickness had taken its toll on him, though he tried to soldier on like the little trooper he was. 

“Okay, nearly there,” Zack managed to deliver with far more cheer than he actually felt.

They gathered their bags and walked down the alley. Their footfalls echoed down the quiet laneway. This was surreal for Zack. The last time he had been there… well it had been completely different circumstances. It had been agonizing. His heart went out to Cloud. He chanced a glance at him, and bumped shoulders, just to make sure Cloud was all right.

Warm fingertips caressed Zack’s palm, seeking out comfort. Zack was always happy to oblige Cloud in that department. He reached out and interlaced their fingers, squeezing Cloud’s hand in reassurance. “Pretty weird, huh?”

“Yeah,” Cloud breathed.

“It’s okay. I’m here with you now.”

Cloud’s hold on Zack tightened and a shaky smile of appreciation appeared. Zack wasn’t exactly sure what was going on for Cloud but he knew this was difficult. 

They reached the two-storey wooden structure, which once upon a time used to be a bar and inn. Cloud knocked on the wooden sliding door. He seemed tense.

A light went on inside. 

Cloud gave an audibly relieved sigh as a brash and feminine voice filtering through the door. “ _God you guys, couldn’t you come by any earlier?”_ The door slid open. “A girl’s gotta get her beauty sleep ya know,” the young woman grumbled, rubbing sleep from her eyes.

“Hey Yuffie. Sorry. We tried,” Cloud apologized.

“Yeah, yeah. Whatever buster. Just come in and hit the hay. We got a big day ahead of us tomorrow. Apparently Squall’s all gung-ho on us actually doing some _work_. _Work!_ Can you believe it? Urgh. Hate that guy!” she spoke in a waterfall of words.

Zack followed Cloud inside.

The door shut behind them.

Yuffie's eyes landed on Zack and went wide. “I knew you were bringing _someone_ but no one told me it be a tall and handsome hunk. Who’s _this_ then, Cloud? Huh?” The sleep seemed to vanish from Yuffie’s speech. She eyed Zack up and down.

Zack flashed his most award winning smile. “Hey, I’m -”

“Oh, wait! Wait!” she waved her hands in front of Zack, “Don’t tell me… let me guess! Are you… _Zaaaaaack_?” she moaned Zack’s name.

Zack felt confused. He eyed her, open mouthed.

“Yuffie,” Cloud grumbled sternly, with a dangerous look in his eyes, albeit also looking kind of flustered around the edges.

The woman giggled. “Good to finally meet ya, _Zaaaaack_ ,” she moaned again.

Cloud lunged at her.

She shrieked and ran away, into the back of the room and through a door. “Ya gotta be quicker than that to catch a ninja, Cloud!” She bounded up a staircase and yelled down, “Pick whichever room ya like. No one but me lives here permanently anymore.”

Zack chuckled with amusement. “What on earth was that all about?”

Cloud still looked grumpy, glaring in the direction Yuffie had vanished.

“Don’t wo-”

“Oh, before I forget… ,” Yuffie shouted down again, “Cloud… keep it down, will ya!” 

“Yuffie, go back to sleep!” he shouted back.

Her giggling laugh rolled down the stairs and only abated after the loud banging of a door.

Cloud groaned in irritation and fatigue, rubbing at his face. Even in this dim light Zack could tell that Cloud had gone slightly red. It was intriguing.

Zack chuckled again. “I feel like I’m missing something. And like it involves me, so… ,” he took a step closer to Cloud, pushing his body against him, “Care to share?” 

“I’m too tired right now. Another time?” Cloud looked up at him with shining eyes. 

Zack couldn’t refuse. “Sure thing. I think we’re both fried for today.” He pushed a finger under Cloud’s chin, tilting his head up further and placed a gentle kiss on lips.

Cloud returned the loving gesture, but pulled away in a heartbeat.

“C’mon, let's get going. I’m gonna have to make us a nest. The beds are all singles in here.”

“Nest! I like the sound of that.”

They attempted to be quiet, but exhaustion caused their footfalls to turn into stomps and shuffles against the creaking floorboards and stairs. Zack’s legs felt like lead as he trudged upward. “Why are there so many stairs?”

“Don’t be a big baby. There’s only fifteen of them.”

“Urgh. That’s fourteen too many.”

Once they reached the landing Zack followed Cloud down the hallway, watching the man eye each door warily. He seemed to be making a careful decision around where they would sleep.

It didn’t take very long before Cloud made his choice and they entered a small room. A rickety bed stood in a corner and in the opposite corner stood a small desk next to a wardrobe. 

“This used to be your room?” Zack asked, genuinely interested in knowing more about how Cloud had spent his four years living down here.

“No. This was Roxas’ room after he had decided to become more independent.” Cloud dumped his bag on the floor and began stripping the bed down.

“Any reason why we can't sleep in your old room?”

“Bad memories of a life I've put behind me,” Cloud stated flatly.

“Fair point.” Zack also dropped his bag. “You need a hand?”

“No. Just go shower. Bathroom’s the first door on the left of the stairwell.”

“You saying I smell?”

“Yup.”

Zack sprang into action, pulling Cloud into a headlock, making sure to ram the man’s nose deep into his armpit.

Cloud thumped Zack’s sides in protest and muffled shrieks. Zack laughed, and released him after Cloud gave a few more thumps to his side.

Cloud breathed in the fresh air deeply. “I don’t know what the point of that was, Zack. I already _know_ you need a shower.”

Zack laughed louder.

A banging came out of nowhere. “ _Oi! Girl trying to sleep_!” Yuffie’s faint voice filtered through the wall.

“Sorry!” Zack shouted, very loudly, and laughed a little quieter.

“I just thought you should get one final good whiff before I get clean. I know you love my man smell.”

Cloud smiled and shook his head. “Just go.”

“Join me, okay?” He brushed Cloud’s cheek tenderly.

Cloud gave a small nod and captured Zack’s hand, kissing his palm. Zack loved Cloud’s small gestures of affection.

Zack’s hand was released and Cloud moved away, busying himself with placing futons on the floor and finding more pillows and blankets. Zack grabbed his sleeping shorts and headed out to find the bathroom. 

It was pretty easy to find. Also very small and dingy. But the hot water worked wonderfully. Zack stood under the hot spray for an indeterminable amount of time, really soaking up and enjoying the heat. He loved being hot. He loved that even during the winter Wutai was balmy. 

Radiant Gardens got too cold. At least it hardly ever got so cold that it snowed up there. That was a blessing. But down here - in the tropics - it was infinitely better during winter.

Zack rinsed his hair and body after having scrubbed himself clean. Cloud still hadn’t shown up. He probably wasn’t going to either. That worried Zack. He knew that Cloud wasn't a fan of Zack's scalding hot showers, but if Cloud said something he usually did his best to adhere to it.

He hoped Cloud was all right. The man was a bit fragile at times. The anniversary of Cloud’s mother's death was just around the corner. Zack really wanted Cloud to be surrounded by love. He wanted Cloud to be with Roxas, as well as the guys from the WRT. From what he had heard from Roxas and even from Cloud himself, these guys sounded like they had been a family of sorts in the past. Cloud needed all the family and love he could get. He deserved it.

Zack sighed. Tomorrow would be fun, but the day after would be difficult… for both of them. But it was going to be fine. They had each other for support. Cloud picked Zack up as much as Zack picked Cloud up. They made a great team.

 _Cloud_.

“Where _is_ he,” Zack muttered to himself.

He got out, dried off and headed back the way he came. He found Cloud laying in the middle of the pretty comfortable looking nest he had built for the two of them. Zack approached. The fond smile on his face grew bigger when he saw Cloud lost in peaceful slumber.

Zack sunk down next to Cloud, causing the other man to stir and snuggle into him. He pulled Cloud closer, breathing in Cloud’s scent. He smelt musty, from too much traveling and puking. But there was still that underlying crispness which was so quintessentially Cloud, clinging to that radiant golden hair. 

That smell reminded Zack of cool early mornings. When the air was still fresh and sharp. It invigorated Zack. That smell prepared him for the days dreary tasks ahead. So too did Cloud. He helped Zack be able to face what was yet to come.

“Zack,” Cloud muffled.

“Good night, Cloud. Sleep well.” Zack pressed a kiss onto his beloved's head and snuggled down to drift off into a dreamless slumber.

* * *

 

Cloud had been dreading the next morning. He felt apprehensive around seeing Irvine again. It had been a huge relief to know he didn’t reside at the HQ’s anymore, but Cloud knew he wasn’t going to be so lucky in avoiding seeing the man during Wintersday.

Yet his lucky streak was still running hot. The morning saw Squall, Rinoa, Selphie and Barret walking in. 

Cloud had received warm hugs, a noogie, and a cool handshake.

Squall had, much like every morning, laid plans out on the expansive meeting table in the center of the room and began barking orders.

“Squall’s such a slave driver. Making us work on our _Glorious National Holiday_!” Yuffie screamed that last part, to drive a point home.

“If you had done what I asked you to do two days ago, instead of wasting all your time decorating, you wouldn’t have to catch up now,” Squall retorted, without a care in the world for Yuffie’s feelings.

“Decorating is _never_ a waste of time. Just ask Selphie. She’s got my back.”

“It’s true. I agree. Decorations are important,” Selphie said, while busying herself with straightening out a mini pagoda and popping fake flowers into the tiers.

“I don’t care ladies. Work needs to be done.”

Yuffie huffed and jumped off the bar counter. “ _Fine_! I’ll go and do that stupid stuff now.” 

“See that you do, and say ‘ _hi’_ to your dad for me. Tell him I appreciate the extra manpower he ordered for the Eastern Gate reconstruction.”

“Yeah, yeah, whatever.” Yuffie slid the door shut with a loud clatter.

“I guess she still hasn’t patched things up with her dad?” Cloud observed.

“No. Probably never will. And she’ll regret it when he’s gone,” Squall said offhandedly while checking spreadsheets.

Cloud’s eyes lingered on the door where the ninja had exited. But his attention was drawn back at the sound of his name.

“Cloud, I need you to-”

“Woah there. Woah. Just hang on a moment, Squall. You’re not gonna rope Cloud and me into your little projects. Yuffie’s right. It’s a _national holiday_ , all over the world. Give us a break,” Zack protested.

“Do you agree with him, Cloud?” Squall asked, completely ignoring Zack.

Cloud shrugged. “I’m always happy to help out.”

Zack whined, “Cloud! C’mon! I thought we were down here on a _holiday_.”

“I’m glad Zack isn’t rubbing off on you in all the wrong ways,” Squall continued to ignore Zack, while nodding at Cloud approvingly.

“I try to make him better. He’s got the attention span of a pea,” Cloud lamented.

Zack’s mouth hung open in offense. “You two are awful.”

Squall and Cloud looked at each other and shrugged in some coded communication.

Zack groaned. “Rinoa, why’s your man such a stick-in-the-mud? I would have expected you to change him by now,” he called over to the woman who had just walked in, carrying a box of supplies.

“A leopard can’t change it’s spots? … Or… You can lead a chocobo to water but you can’t make it drink? Take your pick from one of those two. But Squall won’t be a stick-in-the-mud after all the work is done. Isn’t that right darling? You’re gonna have fun and sing a duet with me during karaoke, yeah?”

Squall rolled his eye. “Only if the items on my itinerary get completed.”

Zack’s eyes went wide. “Woah! C’mon, Cloud! Finish your drink, we gotta mosey! Get these materials sorted out,” he grabbed the clipboard out of Squall’s hand. 

“Hey -”

“We gotta sort n’ store at the Junction Point. We gotta go check the inventory n’ move the supplies from the scrapyard to the storehouse on the other side of the Leviathan boardwalk - wherever that is. You know where that is, right Cloud?”

Cloud shook with mild amusement. “Yeah. What’s got you so energized all of a sudden?”

Zack smirked at Squall. “I wouldn’t miss Squall embarrassing himself for the _world_!”

* * *

 

Cloud and Zack had labored all morning and well into the afternoon. They arrived back at the HQ’s completely worn out. Cloud more so than Zack as he wasn’t the best at handling the heat and humidity. He was glad it was winter, or the winds wouldn’t be as strong or as cool. 

Cloud had showered and cat-napped while waiting for Zack to come back from his own shower. The man turned the taps on way too hot, so Cloud opted to shower alone most days.

He was brought out of his light dozing by creaking floorboards and a warm body pressed against his back.

“Sleep well?”

Cloud hummed and turned around, kissing Zack. Warm and delicious. That’s what Zack was. The scent of sunshine and earthy musk still clung to him. It was wonderful.

When Cloud pulled away they were left smiling at each other. 

“How you holding up being back here?” Cloud asked.

“Shouldn't I be asking you the same question?”

Cloud shrugged. “I asked you first.”

“Yeah, that you did. Hmm… I'm feeling pretty good. The place has changed a lot, but the people are still their cheerful and friendly selves,” Zack contemplated. “It’s hella different from Radiant Gardens.”

“Yeah, it is. A lot more relaxed and laid back,” Cloud mused.

Zack placed another delicious kiss. This was going to go places if Cloud let it. He pushed the palm of his hand against Zack's chest. “You still okay to go visit the place tomorrow?”

Zack’s eyes darkened slightly. He searched the recesses of his internal psyche for something. It didn't last long. Zack's brooding was never as intense or drawn out like Cloud's. Eyes drifted back up. He gave a sharp nod, “Yeah.”

Cloud stroked Zack’s face and gave him another smile. Zack pulled Cloud close and breathed deep. “I’ll be all right as long as I’ve got you.”

Cloud heart swelled with love. It was nice to feel appreciated, wanted, and needed.

“So what about you? How're you holding up? Excited about seeing Roxas tonight?” Zack left a kiss on Cloud’s forehead and pulled back to look at him.

The excitement welled inside like a tsunami at the mention of his brothers name. “Yeah. I can’t believe it’s been over half a year since I last saw him. I think I’m actually glad that you convinced me to do this.” But uncertainty was still rife in his voice.

“What’s wrong? Why’re you so unsure? I’d have thought you’d be over the moon to see Rox and all your friends again.”

His heart sank a little, weighing him down.

“Is it coz of your mom?” Zack asked gently.

Cloud frowned. It was a bit strange. “To be honest with you… I haven’t actually thought about her since the morning. Which is… weird.”

“ _Weird_?”

“I usually feel miserable for weeks leading up to it and then weeks after as well. But this year…” he shrugged, “not so bad. I haven't even thought of her at all today. But… tomorrow might be bad. I dunno…” he trailed off with a sigh.

“Maybe we shouldn’t go do my thing tomorrow then, if you need some space.”

Cloud didn’t like the sound of that. He didn’t want to be the sole focus of Zack. They were down here for both their sakes, not just his own. “Let’s play it by ear.”

Zack perked up. “Kay, sounds good.”

“But… Zack…”

“Mmm?”

“I -.” Cloud swallowed. He felt sick. He felt irritated with himself. It’s not like Zack didn’t _know_ , so why was this difficult for him to talk about? 

A warm thumb stroking his cheek brought him back into the room. “What is it, Sunshine?”

Cloud loved Zack's pet name for him. He couldn't explain it. It just seemed so ridiculous and a complete antithesis of himself. And yet… it made Cloud want to smile as bright as the sun some days.

“I’m worried about seeing Irvine again.”

“Oh. … W-what’s eating away at you the most about it?”

Cloud breathed deep and slow, trying to figure it out for himself. “I… feel embarrassed. I was such a… I did such terrible things to him. And… Yuffie… moaning your name like that yesterday,” Cloud’s stomach turned upside down. 

“Oh… is that… because…”

“The walls are thin.” Cloud scrunched his face up.

Zack wrapped himself around Cloud, leaving gentle kisses and soothing pats in hair. “It’s okay, Cloud. You know I find that sexy as hell.”

Cloud’s brow furrowed deeper. “I’m not worried about what _you_ think of me. I know we’re all good, and nothing will ever change that,” Cloud muffled against Zack’s chest.

“You guys made peace before you left though, right?”

“Yeah, I guess.”

“So stop feeling guilty. You’re letting your past beat you up again. Don’t let it, okay?” Zack squeezed Cloud tight.

“I’ll try not to let it.”

Zack pulled away and tucked a finger under Cloud’s chin, lifting his face up. “More conviction, please,” he smiled.

Zack’s radiant eyes seemed magical in the way they could pick Cloud back up. “I won’t let it bother me,” he tried again.

Smiling lips pressed against Cloud’s. Tender kisses were exchanged.

“We still got a while to go before the party starts. You wanna give moaning my name a go when it's actually me who’s here with you?”

Cloud rolled his eyes, but didn't push Zack away. Instead he came in for more heated kisses.

* * *

 

Cloud and Zack had dressed up nicely and headed downstairs as the early evening settled into the valley, which Wutai Village was nestled in.

Yuffie gave a whistle. “Looking sharp, boys!”

Zack flashed her a smile, and Cloud just nodded.

So far it was only Yuffie and Barret who were there. But everyone else would be arriving shortly. Cloud felt nervous. He busied himself behind the bar, mixing drinks, while Zack went to acquaint himself with Barret and talk about that impressive arm of his.

Squall and Rinoa strolled in, wearing complimentary outfits. 

Cloud hoped that he and Zack could be like that one day. Looking like they just _fit_ and belonged together. Because that’s how he felt about Zack. They were like complimentary opposites - Zack, vibrant and full of life. Cloud, quiet and just barely hanging on some days. But Zack had rubbed off on Cloud in the right ways. Cloud felt more optimistic about his life and himself. And he knew that he brought out the more mellow and thoughtful side in Zack. And when they both faced difficult situations - like tomorrow - they worked well together in supporting each other.

“Hey Cloud, come over here. Don’t be by yourself,” Zack waved.

Cloud smiled. He took two of the drinks with him and sat himself down, snuggling into Zack and making himself comfortable on the couch.

“It's nice to see ya happy, Cloud,” Barret rumbled with a smile.

Suddenly Cloud felt embarrassed about being so affectionate in public. He pulled away a little.

“No need to be shy. We're all family here. Snuggle all ya want,” Barret encouraged with a light laugh.

Zack beamed and slung an arm around Cloud, drawing him closer. “Did ya hear that? Papa bear's giving us permission.”

Barret laughed low and long with delight before he asked, “How ya been anyway, Cloud?”

“Good,” Cloud frowned.

“Then why you lookin’ like that for?”

“Ah -.”

Zack's body against his own felt like a comforting blanket of protection. The way Zack's thumb danced and rubbed against his arm soothed him.

He swallowed. “Barret, I need to apologize.”

“For?”

“I took my dad's photo from the temple when I left last year.”

“Ah.”

Had Barret maybe not noticed? Should Cloud have kept his mouth shut?

“I knew it hadda have been you. I figured ya needed yer pa more than a stuffy old Shrine needed him. An’ way more than an old bear like me.”

Tension eased inside of Cloud. “Thanks for not being mad.”

Barret waved Cloud's concerns off. “He’s yer pa. Ya should be able to do whatever ya want with him. As long as Oswyn’s somewhere he can do some good I'm happy.” 

“I think he's somewhere he probably should have always been,” Cloud spoke solemnly.

“Yeah?” Barret sounded curious.

“Yeah,” Cloud nodded and looked away. The less he thought about that the better off he would be.

A warm kiss pressed against Cloud’s temple and Zack came to the rescue. He turned towards Barret, “So tell me more about the logistics of your arm and wet weather. You were just about to reveal your secret on how to keep it rust-free before Cloud came over,” Zack deflected. 

It drew Barret into an in depth discussion for a while, leaving Cloud to enjoy the banter and the feel of Zack’s comforting embrace.

Cid strolled in some time later, with a woman in tow. Cloud looked up at that in wonderment.

“ _Hey Cid! Hi Shera!_ ” came the familiar greetings from those around Cloud and Zack.

The two men got up and walked towards the newcomers.

“Cloud, so good to see ya, buddy.” 

Cloud received a warm and much too firm handshake before Cid’s hard eyes turned on Zack. “An’ who’s this?”

“Zack Fair, pleased to meetcha!”

“Cid Highwind, likewise.”

They exchanged a vigorous handshake.

“I like this bloke,” Cid spat gruffly. “Man knows how to shake ya hand, unlike limp wrist here.”

Zack laughed and Cloud shook his head with an added huff.

“Cloud’s got delicate hands. Makes him really good at his job,” Zack supported.

“Ya don’t need to tell me about his hands, kiddo. I trained pipsqueak here. I’ve _seen_ the work he does.”

Cid was always like that. Cloud never knew if Cid was putting him down or praising him. Maybe it was his perpetually snarky tone of voice. Cloud couldn’t tell.

The woman cleared her throat. 

“Oh well shit. Where’re my manners. This is Shera. She works for me now.”

“Nice to meet you,” she said timidly. 

“No need to be so nervous!” he slapped her on the back, forcing Shera to stumble forward and into Cloud’s chest.

“Oh, s-sorry,” she went red with embarrassment.

“Are you all right?” Cloud helped her stand up straight.

“Yes, I’m fine, thank you.”

“Cid, take better care of the people under your employ,” Cloud fired at the man.

Cid laughed and popped a cigarette into his mouth, enjoying just having something dangling there, even if it wasn’t lit. “Shera’s a good worker. Just needs to toughen up a bit, ain’t that right?”

“Y-yes,” she nodded firmly.

“Ahhh! Squall! What ya got in the booze department for us today?” Cid wandered off towards the bar, with a small wave at Cloud.

“Excuse us,” she stammered and followed Cid.

“Well isn’t he a delight,” Zack observed cheerfully.

“Yup.”

Zack’s arm slung around Cloud’s waist suddenly.“You doing okay?” he checked in.

“Yeah,” Cloud breathed out. But he was still feeling _very_ nervous.

Right on cue the butterflies erupted and the nausea swelled as the door slid open again.

“Booyaka! Selphie and Irvine are here! The party can _start_!” Selphie’s voice rang through the living space, loud and clear.

The door slid shut again. Cloud’s insides clenched. It became hard to swallow.

Zack’s hand drifted away from Cloud. “You want me to go?” Zack’s voice sounded in his ear.

Cloud wasn’t sure, but made a split decision nonetheless. “No,” he shook his head.

Zack hummed and shifted slightly to give Cloud some space.

“Cloud!” Selphie greeted him much the same way she had done that morning. Overwhelming big hug, kiss on the cheek, and an added light smack on the chest. “You clean up real nice,” she praised.

“Thanks,” he responded quietly.

He was dying to lay his eyes on Irvine. Dying to speak with him. Dying to be swallowed up by the earth beneath his feet. But he couldn’t. He just looked at Selphie, who was bounding off to talk to Rinoa. And then his gaze shifted to the floor, and then the walls.

Heavy boots sounded on wooden floor. Cloud knew the sound of that man's gait. He had always listened out for it during those long and dreary nights. They came to a standstill before Cloud, forcefully catching his eyes and reeling his gaze in. Irvine still looked the same. Why wouldn’t he? It had been only slightly over a year since they last saw one another. 

“ _Hi_ ,” both said simultaneously.

Cloud’s lips twitched. A smile, a frown. He didn’t know. His insides twisted and hardened further. Irvine’s eyes rested on Cloud. Indescript. Neutral. Too neutral. His gaze drifted and settled on Zack.

It was minute, but Cloud could see the quirk of lips. It spoke of discomfort. Maybe Cloud should have asked Zack to leave after all. He could have introduced them later. Or never.

“Hey, I’m Zack. Pleased to meet you, Irvine.” Zack was amicable. Far more amicable than he had ever been with Sephiroth. It made Cloud feel better. 

Zack didn’t feel threatened or concerned about how Cloud might feel about Irvine. Somehow that made Cloud feel okay that he himself _also_ shouldn’t worry too much about how he felt about the man. A few knots dislodged inside of his stomach. If Zack could be cool about this, then he could be too, right?

Irvine took Zack’s outstretched hand. He smiled. “Likewise, Zack.”

Cloud was certain that to Zack it had sounded fine. To the whole world the way Irvine had said Zack’s name had been fine. But to Cloud’s ears? It was drenched in unfathomable disgust and hurt.

“Was the drive down here okay? I hear there was a minor flood on the mainland,” Irvine asked politely.

“Oh yeah. It was pretty good actually. An overpass was put in not too long ago because of all the frequent flooding that’s been going on for _years_ near Mideel. Always left giant craters to dodge and weave around. But yeah, all good now,” Zack beamed.

“Great. I’m glad to hear it. But if you’ll excuse me, I need to put some things into the fridge.” Irvine held up plastic bags as proof of his errand, and headed towards the bar area.

Cloud’s shoulders relaxed. A warm hand rubbed his back in reassurance.

“All good?”

“Not just yet, but getting there,” Cloud smiled meekly at Zack, who returned a sympathetic half smile.

Selphie’s voice chirped up again, booming much too loud for such a tiny woman, and drawing everyone's attention.

“Yuffie, where’s Roxas at? We can’t get started eating without him and Axel.”

“I called him twenty minutes ago. Said he was on his way.”

“It only takes ten minutes to get here from their place.”

Yuffie giggled, and Selphie rolled her eyes. “Honestly, those two.”

“They’re young and in love. Leave them be,” Rinoa waved off in an attempt to subdue Selphie.

“They can be young and in love after they deliver our roast dinner,” she scowled.

“Looks like the lil’ missus is getting a bit _hangry_ ,” Barret chuckled.

Selphie glared.

Another ten minutes passed. 

Zack was making the rounds, endearing himself to everyone who didn’t know him well enough. Selphie was putting up _more_ decorations, following the sunflower motif theme she had been going for this year. And Yuffie was being weird and hanging upside down from the hatch in the ceiling, and passing down crockery and cutlery to Squall from the attic.

The door slid open. All eyes turned.

A tremendous smile flowered on Cloud’s face.

“Sorry we’re late. We… er… got caught up.”

“Sure, sure,” Selphie spoke, heading over and grabbing some of the bags Roxas was holding.

Axel entered carrying a massive and awkward looking box. Roxas slid the door shut behind the both of them.

“Axel, what have you got to say for yourself? You guys are half an hour late. And Yuffie is starving,” Selphie berated.

“Hey! … Yes I _am_ starving, but _you’re_ the one being all _hangry_ , not me,” Yuffie huffed in defense of herself and dropped down to the ground.

“What’re you blaming _me_ for? It was all Roxas’ fault this time around. He couldn’t stop leering at me,” Axel huffed. “I never knew me slaving over a stove all day got him so hot and bothered.”

“It doesn’t normally. But… that apron was too cute and-,” Roxas’ eyes fell on Zack.

“Hey Rox,” Zack acknowledged, with a smile and a wave.

Roxas’ mouth opened wide. Eyes darted. He found Cloud, leaning against the hallway door frame.

Roxas squealed in delight. Like a gust of wind he was away, racing past people and furniture. He slammed into Cloud, throwing arms around and squeezing the life out of him.

Cloud’s silent laugh reverberated around his chest. He drew his arms around his brother and returned the hug with equal, if not greater force.

“Nawww, It’s so sweeeeet!” cooed Rinoa. “Why can’t you ever greet me like that, Squall? Huh?”

“Be away from me for half a year and I might,” Squall chuckled.

“Why do you seem so surprised to see me? You knew I was coming down for Wintersday,” Cloud started, trying to pull Roxas off himself.

Roxas let himself be peeled off reluctantly. “Yeah, I knew. I couldn’t sleep, just ask Axel.”

“I’d rather not.”

Roxas poked his tongue out. “I just completely forgot - what with the rush of getting here and stuff.”

“C’mon guys. It’s time to feast and banish all _hangry_ feelings,” Selphie announced.

Cloud nodded towards the table where food was being piled to high heaven. “Lets?”

Roxas gave Cloud another massive squeeze before grabbing his brother’s hand and leading him to the banquet.

Once he got settled Cloud felt like a king. He was surrounded by fantastic food, and seated amongst friends and family, with Zack and Roxas seated at either side of him. This was bliss. He was even okay with sitting opposite of Irvine, whom he exchanged friendly smiles with, particularly when they passed various dishes across to each other.

This felt normal. This felt fine. This felt like how life should always be. Not tinged and touched by sadness. But basked and drenched in comfort and merriment.

Cloud watched how happy his brother looked with Axel. They joked and jeered with one another and the others. There appeared to be no turmoil there. Cloud hoped it wasn’t all for show. He still, and always would, worry about his brother.

Barret was regaling Shera with embarrassing stories about Cid when he was still serving in the military. Yuffie seemed quite taken with Zack and his biceps. Rinoa was making her drumsticks dance with Irvine’s cobbled together Mr. Potato on a stick, and Selphie was trying to educate Cid and Squall on the benefits of having siestas during the day, to improve troop morale.

The smile didn’t wash off Cloud’s face. 

* * *

 

By the time the mains were eaten Squall got up to make a toast.

“I’d like to thank all of you for joining us today. I know some of you made a very long trek to get here, and others live just around the corner and should have no reasonable excuse for running so late.”

Giggles erupted and an innocent and ignorant whistling tune was let out by Axel.

“But today isn’t about being ashamed that some of you possess poor time management skills and lack all self control.” 

Roxas coughed and Axel sniggered. 

“It’s nice to be together to share good food and good company. I know it’s been a turbulent year. Our governing bodies have put a lot of extra pressures and expectations on not just our team, but all the teams working around Wutai Village and the greater Wutai area. I would like to thank you all for putting in maximum effort, and staying _mostly_ positive through this transition.”

Glances and giggles aired, mostly aimed at Cid, who crossed his arms and looked disgruntled.

“Thank you, Selphie, for working tirelessly around the clock to help unify and coordinate the joint projects we have all been mandated to collaborate on.”

“No worries, Squall. It’s my pleasure.” She gave an energetic smile.

“Thank you Irvine for keeping Selphie company and shouldering the burden.”

“My pleasure,” Irvine gave a delightfully affectionate smile towards Selphie, who scrunched her nose up in giggling joy.

“Cid, you’re a slave driver and you ought to ease up on Shera, but you keep all our vehicles ship-shape and without you we would be two years behind schedule.”

Cid clicked his tongue in approval of the praise.

“Shera, thank you for putting up with Cid. I know he never says it but he’d be in deep trouble without you.”

Shera blushes quietly.

“Oh heck, Squall. Don’t be giving the gal a big head or nothin’,” Cid complained.

“She needs to have a big head to be able to put up with ya shit, Cid,” Barret laughed.

“Next time ya crack ya precious arm see who’ll fix it, Barret,” Cid threatened. “It ain’t gonna be me.”

“Shera’ll look after me, won’t ya,” Barret brushed off.

“Yes, of course,” she beamed.

“Barret, I appreciate your continual efforts of keeping out of trouble. You provide great moral support for the rest of your team, and your knowledge and past expertise continue to be of great benefit to our team and the work we do. So thank you.”

“Aw, shucks,” Barret rubbed at his head with his good hand.

“And last but not least, Rinoa. I don’t often make a big show of it but you are really important to me. My closest confidant. You are passion and joy. You keep me on track on my bad days, and you are there to share my good days. You work really hard for the betterment of this country. As do you all. I couldn’t have a team I’d be more proud of.”

Cloud had sought out Zack’s hand under the table, giving him a small squeeze as Squall had spoken. Zack had returned the gesture and was even now running his thumb over the back of Cloud’s hand, stroking him.

Yuffie coughed and cleared her throat.

“Aren’t you forgetting someone, Squall?” she eyed him - _hard_.

“Yuffie,” he placed hands on hips and looked at her with a stern gaze. “If I’m honest with you - I don’t even know what it is you’re doing here half the time.”

Yuffie’s jaw dropped and her eyes went big as saucers. “I provide moral support! I bring food and drink! I even run some of those dumb errands you always put me on.”

“Exactly. _Some_ is not all. You should be doing _all_ of them, not just the ones that seem _fun_ to you.”

She pouted and grumbled.

Rinoa lightly punched Squall in the side and nodded towards the upset ninja.

Squall sighed, “You’re like the little sister none of us ever asked for, Yuffie. We’ll love you no matter how slack you are in your duties.”

Yuffie huffed loudly.

Roxas pipped up, “Yuffie, no one loves this country more than you do. _No one_ , not even your smelly dad. We all know you work hard in your own way. You bring joy to the people of Wutai. I see how much the kids adore you down by the kitchen. You give people hope and dreams and something to look forward to.” Roxas turned his head and looked at Squall with defiance, “And that is equally as important as making sure the roads are paved.”

“Well said, Roxas,” Squall relented.

“See, Roxy has my back,” Yuffie spoke, rubbing at her eyes.

She and Roxas both leaned forward, looked at each other from their respective ends of the table, and exchanged big grins and thumbs up.

“Which I suppose brings me to you two,” Squall looked at Roxas and Axel. “Though you guys aren’t officially under my care you are as much a part of this team as everyone else. Both of you work hard to feed the people of this nation. Both of you contribute and give your best to strangers, friends and each other. It’s a real joy to see.”

Axel rubbed at his head in embarrassment and Roxas grinned like a fool.

Cloud felt himself become uncomfortable as he knew the attention was about to be put on himself and Zack. He hated it.

“And very lastly, Cloud, and Zack. To both of you I say ‘ _Welcome Back’_. You two will always have a place here if you need or want it. Cloud, you were always helpful when you lived with us. I think I speak for all of us when I say that we are glad to see you smiling again.”

Cloud felt himself grow painfully red.

Zack’s thumb continued to stroke in reassurance.

“Squall, leave Cloud alone. If you keep harping on like that he’ll never smile for us again,” Zack defended valiantly, but completely unsuccessful.

“Hmm, I guess that leaves you, Zack. Thank you for looking out for Cloud and giving him the biggest reason to smile.”

Cloud wanted to sink through the floor in embarrassment. Everyone around the table chuckled and giggled, throwing out thanks to Zack for being in Cloud’s life, as well as other words of encouragement to Cloud.

Zack laughed in delight and embarrassment. “It’s no big deal. Nothing I’d rather do, really,” he brushed off as best he could.

Squall started up again. “I know most of you have never met Zack but he and I know each other from basic training back when we were just grunts. I consider him a brother in arms.”

Zack gave him a two fingered salute, which Squall returned.

“It’s always nice to be able to add more members to our growing family. So I would like to make a toast. _To family_. I know all of us have lost people who were, and still _are_ precious to us. All of us have experienced pain and loss, and will continue to feel it as we drift through life. But we have all come together. We have all found each other. And on some days, like today, I like to indulge in thinking that there are no coincidences. That we have always been fated to be together and to find each other in this life. So let us celebrate and enjoy the company of the living. To all of you, to my family, Happy Wintersday. May Da-chao smile down on all of us!”

“ _May Da-chao smile down on all of us!_ ” everyone cheered, raising cups to the ceiling.

* * *

 

Desserts were brought out and consumed. Terrible Wintersday jokes were dealt out - Axel and Rinoa being by far the worst offenders.

Gifts were exchanged, songs were sung. Zack received immense enjoyment from watching Squall and Rinoa singing their love ballad.

“Hey Cloud, you wanna get up and sing something? I know you’ve got such a lovely voice now.”

“What?” Roxas instantly dropped the candy canes he was juggling.

“Ha-ha! I WIN!” Yuffie jumped in excitement, savouring her victory.

“Unfair. I demand a rematch, right after I hear what this is about Cloud singing.” Roxas raced over to Zack as he knew he’d have a much harder time getting it out of Cloud.

“You wanna, Cloud?” Zack asked again with the sweetest smile, while he fended off Roxas’ pleas to be told what Zack had referred to.

Cloud shook his head and settled in the back of the room, against the doorframe.

“If Cloud won’t, then I’ll sing with you, Zack. Just as soon as you tell me about Cloud,” Roxas gave an evil grin to his brother.

Cloud huffed in amusement and just watched life unfurl in front of himself.

“Hey, Cloud.”

/p>Cloud tensed up and looked behind himself.

Maybe this had been a terrible place to stand. His reclining position was on the way to the bathroom, so that meant people would come and go. Right now it was Irvine who was coming back into the room.

“Hey, Irvine,” he got out after clearing his throat.

They just looked at each other.

“So it looks like you moved out of here finally,” Cloud started, as casually as he could.

“Yeah. Selphie and I needed our own space.”

“Oh, you and Selphie?”

“Yup. We got put on the same projects so we started spending a lot of time together. And… well it looks like I’ve finally found someone who can see beyond all the shit in my life. Funny that she was under my nose all this time and I never noticed,” Irvine laughed gently.

Cloud sighed in relief. “I’m really glad to hear that, Irvine. You… deserved so much better than… .” He frowned.

“Thanks, Cloud.”

Both men looked into the room before them where a lot of different activities and conversations were taking place.

“Zack seems like a really great guy. I can see why you like him so much.”

It dug into Cloud’s chest like a painful barb. “Irvine… I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be. You look happy with him. Don’t apologize for being happy. I meant what I said. We are even. Some people just aren’t meant to be together and that’s fine.”

Irvine’s words released something too tightly wound in Cloud. Despite the raucous hullabaloo going on in front of them there was a serene quiet between them. Irvine really _was_ okay. It made Cloud feel marginally better.

Selphie waved at them and pointed at the mistletoe above her head, grinning foolishly and winked.

Irvine smiled at her and held up a finger to indicate that he needed a minute.

Cloud’s chest heaved a little with cheer. “I’m glad you’re happy too, Irvine.” 

“It kinda worked out for the two of us, huh?” Irvine smiled, turning to Cloud.

“Yeah.”

Irvine’s smile grew bigger and he began shaking with laughter.

“W-what?” Cloud began feeling self conscious.

“I think Selphie wasn’t _just_ referring to herself.”With a soft expression Irvine glanced up.

“Oh no,” Cloud gasped, not daring to lift his head.

“Oh yes. I’m gonna. If you don’t mind.”

Cloud’s eyes fell onto Zack, who was still sitting on the couch, talking to Roxas and Axel, but also seeming to keep an eye on Cloud. He was all smiles and threw Cloud a miniscule nod of acceptance.

Cloud’s eyes returned to Irvine. His heart was pounding. He wanted to have a do-over with Irvine. He wanted to end things well, and not have their conversation from a year ago be what they were both left with of each other. 

So he gave a brief nod.

Irvine leaned in, placing a chaste kiss on the corner of Cloud’s mouth.

It was warm. It evoked memories of the last time he had been caught under a blasted mistletoe.

“Yuffie’s a real menace,” Cloud huffed when Irvine pulled away.

“I think it was actually Selphie who placed this particular one,” Irvine chuckled. 

“I guess I really need to pick better places to hide away in.”

“Selphie is trying to push you _into_ the crowd. So you better watch out. Every time I see you sitting or standing somewhere that’s antisocial I’ll come around and make you uncomfortable,” Irvine chuckled.

“You two conspiring against me?”

“Of course. So join in, okay? But if you’ll excuse me, I need to go snog my beautiful girl.”

“Enjoy,” Cloud waved the man off.

“Oh I will,” Irvine winked and strode over to Selphie where he grabbed and pulled her into a dipping kiss, which resulted in whoops and cheers from the others.

Cloud moved to the _other_ side of the door frame, making sure he wasn't underneath any offending mistletoe.

Cid walked over after a while.

“Sup, kiddo?”

“Not much. How about with you, old man?”

Cid shrugged.

“I thought you hated taking on apprentices. But now you’ve got Shera,” Cloud said, pointedly.

“Well, call me a big ol’ softy, but I kinda missed having someone around to grumble at.”

“Oh I’d never call you a softy,” Cloud spoke quite seriously.

“Thanks. I was getting a bit worried that I was losing my touch,” Cid chuckled, and chewed on his bent and bruised cigarette.

“Don’t be too hard on her.”

“She’s a lot tougher than she looks. She’s got guts an’ a good heart. Kinda like you, actually.” Cid flashed Cloud a look.

“Eh… thanks?”

“Don’t sound so surprised, kiddo. I’m really proud of ya. I can tell ya that now, coz ya ain’t no longer under my tuition, so it don’t matter what ya think of me. Roxas told me about yar mechanic's shop. It was goin’ quite well n’ stuff, yeah?”

“Yeah, it is. What can I say? You were a great teacher. Thanks Cid. Handling your shit makes handling customers so much easier,” Cloud reflected with a quiet smile. “Thanks for giving me confidence.”

“Quit gettin’ all soft on me. I thought I taught ya better ‘n that.” Cid punched Cloud lightly in the shoulder. “Ya always had it inside ya anyway, Cloud. Ya just had to learn to quit takin’ shit from folks like myself. But I really gotta take a leak, so quit holdin’ me up.” Cid stalked away and up the stairs.

Cloud reflected on Cid’s once-in-a-lifetime supportive remarks. He’d have to burn those into his mind. It was such a strange night.

He smiled.

Eyes drifted.

Cloud felt certain that this was more like the life his parents would have wanted for himself and Roxas.

 _Mom_.

There it was. The familiar scratch. But it felt lighter. The resentment having long died and faded away. Cloud had gone the long way around in mending himself. But it had been the right way. Very painful, but it had been what he had needed.

Awful singing drifted to Cloud’s ears, pulling him out of his rumination.

Axel and Roxas had started singing a duet. They clutched and clung to each other, laughing through every syllable. 

Cloud had wondered how he would feel about seeing Axel again. He still didn’t truly know what had happened between the two of them. But whatever it had been didn’t seem to have tainted them in any way.

It was a relief to see.

Yuffie joined in to crash the lovebirds singing party. She was warmly enveloped, both men throwing arms around her and singing with _even more_ passion.

Cloud’s smile grew bigger.

Suddenly Zack was on his feet, dragging Rinoa along, who in turn grabbed at Squall. And then everyone was up singing. Zack locked eyes with Cloud, beckoning him to join them.

Cid came back from the bathroom, clapped Cloud on the back and pushed him towards the group.

With a roll of his eyes and a you-are-so-lame kind of a smile, aimed at Zack, Cloud did also join in. 

* * *

 

Cloud lay down with Zack on their futon, pillow and blanket nest. Limbs were wrapped around each other and entangled together. 

Cloud breathed in Zack’s scent. It had been such a splendid evening. But also exhausting. He yawned, which set Zack’s own yawn off as well.

“Man, that was a really nice way to spend Wintersday.”

Cloud agreed, with a hum and nuzzled into Zack’s neck. “Yuffie seems to have taken a real shining to you,” he mumbled.

Zack chuckled. “She did, didn’t she? I think she enjoys the shit I give Squall.”

“I saw you plying him with alcohol the entire night,” Cloud huffed out in amusement.

“Well that used to be the _only_ way to get him to soften. But he’s definitely not as much of a hard ass now than what he used to be. Can’t believe he actually got up and sang a song all by himself,” Zack sniggered.

“He did that to torture us.”

“And it worked really well. But the point is he was _fun_ enough to even think of torturing us that way,” Zack beamed.

Cloud buried his head deeper into soft skin, and smiled. He left feather kisses from time to time, just because he enjoyed the feel of Zack against his lips.

Zack’s hands fingered Cloud’s back with gentle strokes and fiddled with blonde strands.

“ _Alright guys, we’ve got a full house tonight. We’re all exhausted, so everyone keep it down,_ ” came Squall’s shout as he headed down the hallway. 

“ _Follow your own advice, buddy_ ,” Axel’s voice sounded from next door, along with hushed giggles.

“ _You three especially stay quiet. And I’d highly recommend you lock your doors because the triple triad ‘will’ be up to mischief._ ”

Far louder giggling filtered through.

A sound-off of ‘ _Goodnights_ ’ was given from every room before a quiet hush fell over the HQ’s.

Soft murmuring and the occasional burst of giggles drifted to Cloud’s ears from next door where Yuffie, Roxas and Axel were bunkered down.

Zack’s chest rose and fell with gentle rumbling laughter. “This is really great. Feels so… hmm…”

“Homey,” Cloud smiled, giving Zack’s chest a squeeze.

“Yeah, exactly that.”

Cloud heard the giant smile in Zack’s words.

“I’m glad you found these guys.”

“Me too,” Cloud sighed with contentment.

Zack shifted underneath Cloud. A moment later they were eye to eye. Zack took one of Cloud’s hands in his, forever thumbing and stroking, and the other was against Cloud’s cheek, occasionally dipping into hair.

They looked at each other for a while, gentle smiles were held with ease.

“Would you ever consider moving back here?” Zack asked after a moment.

It came out of left field, surprising him. “Uh - I never thought about it. Why’re you asking?”

“I like seeing you happy. Sometimes I feel like Radiant Gardens is too painful for you. Like… being too close to _him_ still eats you up inside.”

Inexplicable pain welled, contorting Cloud’s face. His eyes watered.

Zack’s thumb wiped at a tear, and he muttered, “Sorry.”

Cloud maneuvered Zack’s hand to his mouth, and kissed the palm. “Don’t be.” 

The sorrow and sting subsided as quickly as it had risen. “It’s only been a few months. I just need more time to settle down,” Cloud insisted.

“Does it play on your mind a lot?”

Cloud shook his head and gave an earnest smile. “No. Not a lot. I know he’s got Genesis. I speak with Gen once in a while. He never tells me anything bad, because he doesn’t want to worry me. I’m sure Seph can’t be having an easy time of it. And that _does_ hurt. But… what can I do? Nothing. And I know that. I just need to stay out of his life. I’m okay with that. … Mostly.”

“Mostly?”

“Some days I still feel desperate to fix things. Some days I still…” he swallowed, “feel responsible.”

Zack gave an audible sigh and rubbed at the side of Cloud’s head with compassion. “You’re such a sweet guy, Cloud.” Foreheads were pulled together. “If you ever wanted to move down here to be with Roxas - to be with everyone else - I’d be fine with it.”

“What? No. I don’t want to be without you.” Panic rose and Cloud pulled back so he could see Zack’s face in full.

“What? Oh no. No Sunshine, no. Not without me. I’d come along too.”

“What? Really?”

Zack nodded. “Wherever you go I wanna be with you. As long as you want me.”

“But your business…”

“Yeah, see, I’ve been thinking about that. I know people rely on it. So I’d leave Rupert to look after it.”

“You’d leave Rupert to look after your baby?” Cloud’s eyebrow raised with skepticism.

Zack chuckled. “I’d bring Maggie up, train her, teach her how everything works, and get _her_ to manage it. Rupert will be her lackey, like he’s mine. She’s got a keen eye for management. I think it might actually be good for her.”

“Really? You’ve been giving it some serious thought?” Cloud was amazed.

“Yeah, why’s it so surprising?”

“I just… never thought you’d move. I always just thought of us living there forever.”

“We can stay there if you want. But if you would feel it easier to be far away from that place and… well you know. Then I’m all up for it. I’m flexible.”

“Flexible enough to live down _here_? My issue is with one guy. Yours is… well I always thought this whole country leaves a bitter taste in your mouth.”

Zack’s eyes drifted as he thought about it.

Cloud pulled the hand out of his hair and kissed knuckles while he waited for Zack to come to a conclusion.

“What’re you doing?”

“Soothing you,” Cloud stated.

“I can’t think when you’re being so adorable.”

Cloud kept kissing. “Well try, okay? Because this,” he kissed more firmly, “isn’t going to stop.”

Zack’s face scrunched up, like he was really trying _very_ hard to think.

Cloud’s kisses kept falling.

A moment later Zack pulled Cloud on top of himself and tugged Cloud’s head down into a kiss.

Cloud giggled into it, and pulled away once Zack’s tongue began probing. 

“You gonna answer me?”

Zack pouted. “You’re the one distracting me.”

“It’s not my fault your attention span sucks.”

“You know what else sucks?”

“You’re mouth? Because you want to suck me off?”

Zack smirked. “You know me too well.” Zack flipped them over and trailed kisses.

Cloud squirmed under the loving touches. “Are you trying to get out of answering me?”

“Yeah,” Zack breathed against Cloud’s chest, lifting up shirt to peck at the skin he found there.

“Why?”

Zack stopped and looked up at Cloud. “I don’t have an answer for you right now. I think I’ll see how tomorrow goes. I might know after that if I could live down here or not.”

Cloud felt that was a fair point. “Okay. You may resume.”

“Thank you, master.”

Cloud laughed quietly.

* * *

 

The morning saw everyone up at the civilized time of 9am instead of the usual 6am starts. This was the one time of the year when Squall eased up a little, so everyone took full advantage of it.

Breakfast had been a rowdy, good natured affair, but it was with a somewhat heavy heart that Cloud piled into Axel’s car, closely followed by Zack.

“Did you guys sleep well?” Zack inquired.

Roxas gave a massive yawn but nodded. “I’m not used to being up so early,” he mumbled.

“I could have gotten more shut eye. I forgot that Yuffie kicks in her sleep,” Axel complained. “Pretty sure I’ve got a bruise on my spine.”

“I’ll give you a massage later,” Roxas soothed, pressing a kiss on the back of Axel’s hand.

They smiled at each other.

“Eyes on the road, Axel,” Cloud warned and returned his gaze to watch the streets drift by.

“Aye, aye, mom. Did you guys sleep all right, or is Spiky just a grumpy bum because you kept him up all night?” Axel chuckled and glanced at Zack through his rearview mirror.

“Don’t answer that, Zack,” Cloud warned, but Zack’s grin seemed to say it all already anyway.

* * *

 

When they arrived near the cafe where terrible things happened a long time ago, Axel parked and they all piled out, walking the rest of the way.

“We haven’t actually been here together since that day, huh, Zack,” Axel spoke, rather demurely. 

Zack hummed in the back of his throat in response. 

Cloud felt Zack’s tension in the way he held Cloud’s hand. He thumbed, squeezed and rubbed Zack reassuringly. He hated not being able to do more. He hated not being able to fix Zack’s past. Or being able to fix _any_ past for that matter. But he recognized that this was his own shit and that it wouldn’t help Zack right now.

All he could do was hold Zack’s hand firmer, hoping to somehow transfer his own strength and calm into Zack.

The narrow lane ended and opened up into a grande cobbled plaza, caged in by relatively tall buildings for Wutai. There were fashion stores, and eateries lining the buildings. 

Entertainers and street merchants milled about, entertaining and flogging their wares to locals and tourists alike. It was quite the hustle and bustle. The plaza was alive with chatter, laughter, cheers and music.

“Wow,” Zack breathed out. “This place has really changed.” He let go of Cloud’s hand and set foot into the place he held the most apprehension for in the world.

The three other men followed Zack’s lead, with Axel hot on Zack’s heels.

“You think we should give them some privacy?” Roxas’ timid voice drifted to Cloud’s ears.

“Mmm… maybe,” Cloud nodded before raising his voice, to gently call out to Zack, “Hey Zack, you want us to come with you? Or should we just wait -” Cloud looked around himself, “-over by the fountain?”

Zack had stopped and faced Cloud. He looked at Axel who only shrugged at him with indifference. “Go wait. We won’t be too long.”

“Take all the time you need, Zack.”

Cloud received a sad smile which turned into a frown. It pained Cloud to see it. His chest clenched tight, his own brow furrowed. Zack suddenly started towards Cloud and had him wrapped up in a fierce hug that squeezed breath out of lungs before Cloud could even blink.

“Thank you, Sunshine,” Zack whispered into Cloud’s ear. He buried his nose deep into Cloud’s hair and breathed in deep.

Cloud squeezed Zack back tightly. “I love you,” he muffled into Zack’s neck.

“I love you too.” Zack pulled back and gave Cloud a tender kiss before cupping and thumbing over cheeks. Longing looks were exchanged and small smiles peaked out.

“Go do what you’ve got to do. Rox and I will just be over there. Waiting. Even if it’s half a day. Or a full day. But I draw the line once it gets dark, okay?” Cloud smiled encouragingly, which seemed to chase away some of the darkness inside of Zack.

“Okay,” Zack nodded. He seemed to have trouble letting go of Cloud however. He lingered, still stroking Cloud’s cheek and looking at him like that was his favorite sight in the entire world.

It made Cloud shiver pleasantly with bubbling love.

“My God, Rox. And here I thought you and I were bad,” Axel’s voice rang well above the hustle and bustle of the crowded plaza sounds.

Roxas chuckled. “Yeah we got some competition in the ‘being cute together’ department.”

Zack’s smile broadened. He gave another quick peck before turning away from Cloud.

“You guys flatter yourselves too much. Cloud and I’ve got that competition in the bag!” he boasted. “Isn’t that right, Sunshine?”

Cloud groaned and shook his head. “I’ll be over there if you need me,” he said and stalked off to the large and ornate fountain in the center of the area.

Zack’s laugh rang in his ears, lighting his face up as he strolled away.

* * *

 

Zack arrived at the cafe. It was situated at the corner of the plaza and another street that joined and fed traffic into the area. He stood outside and looked at the little eatery, with its distinct red and gold color scheme and it’s stylistically Wutaian gate archway.

On the outside the entire area looked completely transformed. But Zack could see the scars the war had left if he looked close enough. He supposed that was how everyone around here managed to get by in life. By not looking so close. 

Zack had avoided looking closely ever since he left Wutai. But he knew better. He knew it would never take the pain away. He hoped that by coming here and facing his biggest wound he would be able to recognize what a long way he had come. What a long way the whole nation had come. Just like how Cloud had been able to see how far he had come as well, with his own personal wounds and scars. 

Zack bent over slightly, one hand on hip and the other rubbing at his head a little. Cloud made him feel better. Zack wanted to be as strong and brave as the man he loved.

He raised himself up, fixing eyes on the plaque which was firmly fixed onto the side of the building. He went to move towards it but caught red in his periphery. 

_Shit, that’s right._

“You don’t have to be here, Axel. You don’t have to come with me.”

“I do, Zack. I owe you. I’ll never forget that,” came the terse response.

Both men moved forward and stood before the plaque. 

It was strange seeing Angeal’s name there. It left a gaping void in his heart to think that his uncle was no longer alive. Was no longer there to reprimand, chastise and encourage Zack.

But Zack smiled, regardless. It suddenly dawned on him that Cloud did all those things for him. Had he inadvertently found himself a replacement for his uncle's presence? Maybe. But Cloud would never be a replacement. He was so much _more_ than someone to fill an empty spot in Zack’s heart.

And at the same time Cloud could also never be to Zack what Angeal had been.

“That’s a pretty neat memorial plaque they put up,” Axel sounded like he tried to be as encouraging as possible.

“Do you think about that time at all?” Zack threw out to the other man. They had never spoken about it. Both probably hoping to forget.

“No. But this wasn’t my life for very long. Just a small blip in my existence,” he shrugged.

Zack wished he could be as casual about it as Axel. But this had been so much more than a ‘ _small blip’_. This had been a life dream. This had been everything Zack had pinned his identity and dreams around. And it had been crushed and disfigured when he had seen the reality of it.

“I never really forgave you. Some days I still blame you,” Zack said quietly.

Axel remained silent, looking at the plaque, and lips drawn into a tight line.

Zack wasn’t proud of it. He wished these ugly feelings didn’t live in himself… but they did. He hoped he wasn’t destined to feel this way forever. He hoped that for both Cloud and himself.

“But I know it's not right. I know it's not your fault. If anything you saved me.”

Axel’s eyes drew towards Zack, large and bewildered.

“It could have been worse if you hadn’t been there to draw me away. I tell myself I could have saved Angeal. I tell myself it could have been me instead of him. But that doesn't accomplish anything. Cloud once told me that me being around has helped so many other people. So because I had to look out for you you kept me away from that blast. You kept me alive so I could go on to look after Aerith and all the orphans, And that’s all on you too, Axel. Because without you I probably wouldn’t have been there to save anyone else.”

Zack frowned at Axel. But not with upset. No. It was out of earnestness. Zack had never really felt the gravity of Axel’s positive role in his life until now. The man had always felt like a burden and nuisance. Someone Zack would be stuck being responsible for, for the rest of his life.

“I don't think I ever thanked you for that. So, thanks, Axel.” Zack gave a small but tinged in sorrow and seriousness, smile.

Axel’s eyes glistened. “I don't deserve that, Zack.”

“But you're getting it, so you've just got to take it, okay?” Zack’s smile grew in strength.

“Thanks,” Axel muttered, and exhaled. He rubbed furiously at his head. “I've always felt responsible in some way for it. I tried to make it up to you by being in your face.”

“You constantly asking me out and offering to sleep with me was somehow you trying to make things right?” Zack didn't mean to, but he laughed.

“Well you know that I don't come from the most well adjusted family. I was full of myself enough to think that if I could show you a good time it would make everything all right between us. Angeal once told me that I was good for you-”

“Really?”

“Yeah. He said it would be good for you to learn some responsibility by teaching me and training me.”

Zack laughed with affection. “Yeah, that was completely Angeal. Give the puppy a pup to hammer in some sense of duty and honor.”

Axel's face was lit up with a soft smile. He hummed his amusement and continued, “I think I always kept that thought alive in myself. The idea that you needed me somehow. I liked thinking that maybe you needed me more than I ever needed you. But I was wrong. I know that. I make such a big show of not giving a shit about others but deep down…” Axel sighed.

Zack lay a hand on Axel's shoulder and squeezed gently. “In a weird way being angry at you helped me. Even if that anger was misplaced it helped me grow up a lot.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah,” Zack nodded. “It forced me to learn to be compassionate and to forgive. So thanks for that too.”

“Ah geez,” Axel gave an awkward and lopsided smile.

“You were also a big help when I was waiting for Cloud to come back.”

“You helped me too. God, I can't believe how much Roxas means to me.”

“Why can't you? You've been searching for him for more than half your life.”

“It's one of those things where you want something so bad that you imagine what it will be like to have it. And then the day you do it can't match up to your wildest imagination. I was always half expecting to be super disappointed if I ever found him again. But I'm really not. He is so much better than anything I was ever able to dream up.”

“I'm glad to hear it. You guys been getting along really well? No more blow ups?” Zack asked warily, searching for any indication that Axel might be trying to hide something from him.

“No. I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I ever did anything like that again.”

“I don't like hearing you talk like that,” Zack said sternly. Spending those long nights awake with Axel, talking him out of his deep despair wasn't something Zack wanted to ever do again.

“I didn’t enjoy feeling like either, believe me, Zack. I'm so fucking grateful to you for convincing Roxas to see me before he left. I - I was at the end of my rope. And every time I get a bit jealous over Roxas spending time with his friends I think of that time. I think of what Roxas told me. I think of what we mean to each other. And I let my stupidity pass. I remind myself that he loves me. He's not with me because he has to be, or because he doesn't know any better. He's with me because he wants to be. Because there is something about me that he really loves. That's such an amazing feeling.”

Axel beamed with blissful joy. He cast his eyes out over the busy plaza and towards the fountain, searching out Roxas and Cloud’s radiant visages. 

Zack followed Axel’s glance. He thought his heart would stop with the breathtaking sight of blonde glowing under the sunshine and sparkling with the fountains mist. 

“Man those two are gorgeous,” Zack muttered.

“Yeah,” Axel breathed. “I’m so lucky to have Roxas.”

“Sounds like you've really grown up,” Zack spoke gently, pulling his hand off Axel’s shoulder.

“Roxas had helped me so much. I don't know how I could ever repay him, other than trying really hard to be the best I can be for both our sakes.”

Zack smiled. Axel was really sweet. He liked seeing the softness which love had brought to the otherwise brash and egotistical man.

“It's really amazing how the Strife brothers have managed to change our lives so much, huh,” Zack muttered in astonishment as his gaze continued to linger on Cloud.

“Yeah,” Axel sighed in contentment. “Roxas had been through so much in his life. So much more than I ever experienced. Kinda helps me to put my own shit into context,” he chuckled.

Zack joined in with the laughter.

“Tell me about it. After all the torture and abuse Cloud had to endure I felt really pathetic for not even being able to face this place for so long.” Zack turned back to look at the plaque, and huffed in amusement.

It really wasn't as painful as he had ever dreamed it would be.

He reached out and brushed his fingertips along the cold metal. He felt the embossed writing. _'Angeal Hewley - Hero and friend of the people of Wutai._ ’

“Thanks for being here with me to share this moment, Axel.”

“Ah, don't get all mushy on me, Zack. It might make me want to kiss you.”

Both men chuckled.

* * *

 

The fountain was a giant leviathan curled around itself, with a depiction of Da-chao mounted and riding it. Water spewed out of the leviathan’s open mouth and some of its larger scales on it’s back. Da-chao looked happy, arms outstretched, and water bubbling up from his palms, like the lifegiver that he was revered for being.

Despite the winter winds it was still a rather warm day, so it felt nice when the wind blew and took the water with it, misting over Cloud gently as he stood before it. 

He felt nervous for Zack. He hoped he was doing all right. He squinted to try and see better through the crowds and blinding sunlight. Zack was hunched over, looking distracted. The only thing that stopped Cloud from running over there and throwing his arms around the man he loved was Roxas, sitting on the stone trimmed border of the fountain, talking to him.

“I know this is tough on Zack, but how are you holding up?

“I’m fine,” Cloud brushed off, quite distracted.

“Really?”

“Really.” Cloud squinted harder and raised his hand to shield his eyes from the sun. Zack and Axel had moved to stand before the plaque.

“Even when you met Irvine yesterday?”

That drew Cloud’s eyes off Zack and onto Roxas. Roxas’ brows were quirked up in skepticism. 

“What? I was nervous yesterday, but today I’m all right and completely fine,” Cloud dismissed.

“Did you patch things up? I saw him kissing you.”

“Well if we didn’t patch it up I’d hardly have let him kiss me.”

“I guess.” Roxas’ voice was small and timid with uncertainty. There was something he was burning to ask but just wasn’t doing it.

“I’m really all right, Rox. I know what day it is. But I haven’t really thought of mom much. We’ve been too busy this morning.”

“You know, I’d really like to go to the shrine and pay my respects to mom and dad. I’d like you to come with me.”

“Oh. Yeah, sure. We can do that in the evening after you finish work if you want.”

Roxas beamed. “Thanks Cloud.”

Cloud’s attention returned back to Zack across the way from himself. Was he okay? Cloud was being a worry wart. Of course Zack would be fine. He was a lot stronger than Cloud.

Cloud’s attention was brought back to Roxas once more when his brother said, “I want to treat you and Zack to lunch at our restaurant.”

Cloud smiled, “Thanks Rox. I'd say ‘ _yes_ ’ but I want to check in with Zack and make sure he's okay before I commit us to anything.”

“Sure, no worries. But if I know Zack he'd never turn down the offer of a free meal, even if he was sick and dying,” Roxas giggled.

Cloud laughed at that. “Yeah, you’re right. But I'm still going to ask him.”

They looked over at Zack and Axel across the busy plaza. They seemed to be deep in conversation.

“How are you and Zack doing?” Roxas shifted his gaze back up onto Cloud.

“We’re doing really well. We're both busy at work. He takes me out on weekends to go camping so I don't spend too much time thinking about stuff. But I think Zack also really wants to get out of the city. He even spoke to me about moving down here last night.”

“Woah! Really?” Roxas’ face lit up with excitement and he sprang up onto his feet.

“Yeah, really.”

“What did you say?”

“Eh… well we never finished the conversation.”

Roxas giggled. “I thought I could hear something,” he teased with a wink.

“That would surprise me, considering how noisy you guys were being.”

“We can’t help it. Whenever the three of us get together it just gets loud. I love slumber parties with Yuffie and Axel. We come up with the _best_ ideas late at night,” Roxas giggled some more. “But c’mon, tell.”

“Nothing to tell. I'd only move down here if Zack comes with me, and he won't know if he wants to until today is over. So I'll keep you informed of any further developments that happen.”

“Awesome! I really miss you some days. I worry about you and I hate not being there to check in on you. You can hide stuff over the phone, but not when we’re side by side,” Roxas bumped into Cloud’s shoulder playfully.

“I miss you too, Roxas. You've been okay down here, right? “

“Yeah. Definitely. I love living here. The restaurant is going _really_ well and the soup kitchen is also great. I’ve got a great bunch of volunteers who look after the place in the mornings.”

“What about you and Axel? How are you two getting along.” Cloud didn’t care to disguise his worry in that probing question.

“We’re really good,” Roxas’ smile mellowed, and his eyes softened as he gazed back out towards where his favorite redhead stood. “I think I love him more each passing day. Us moving down here was one of the best decisions that we made.” Roxas’ eyes drifted back onto Cloud. His expression fell though. Almost in knowing where Cloud was going next with this.

They looked at each other, brows furrowing and eyes narrowing.

“So spit it out already, Cloud. Geez. Just ask me what you want to ask me.”

“What happened.”

Roxas took a deep breath. “Why do you have to know? It’s in the past. It doesn't matter.”

“It matters to me.”

“Why? 

“You know why.”

“Yeah. It’s so you can have an awful opinion of him,” Roxas spat and glared.

“Don’t be stupid. It’s because I want you to be safe and happy.”

“I _am_ safe and happy. I’m those things with Axel.”

“But you weren’t before, and I want to know what happened,” Cloud felt himself getting agitated. “Plus, you said you’d tell me one day. Now is _one day_.”

Roxas groaned at that. “Well I’ve changed my mind. Knowing what happened won’t make you feel better, Cloud. It’s going to make you angry and bitter. You’re the one who can’t let go of the past, so why would I give you more crap to hold on to?”

“I don’t like your attitude, Roxas. I don’t like you treating me like this.”

“Treating you like what?”

“Like I can’t take it. Like you can’t trust me with shit. I’ve been taking care of you for most of your life.”

“So what? I don’t owe you anything for looking after me,” Roxas waved off dismissively and scowled.

Cloud breathed his anger out. This wasn’t how he wanted to spend his time with Roxas. “I know you don’t owe me. I just want to be one hundred percent sure you’re okay.”

“I can’t give you that reassurance. Right now I’m really good. But life goes up and down.” Roxas shrugged. “So you need to let me take care of myself. You need to trust me to know what’s right for me. And you gotta be okay with me being like this for the rest of my life. I know that’s a big ask.”

“It’s a massive ask, Roxas.”

“I know. But I need you to do it. Because I don’t need you to look after me anymore. And no, that _doesn’t_ mean that I don’t want you in my life. I love you. You’re all the good and positive things I have left of my past. But I want you to start being more of a brother to me rather than a babysitter or a really crappy replacement for our mom.”

“Hey,” Cloud objected.

Roxas gave him a warm smile. “But you know it’s true. I know you want to protect me but that’s not your job anymore. I want you to focus on yourself. Knowing about what Axel and I have been through won’t make you feel better. I need you to trust me on this, Cloud.”

That didn’t sit well with Cloud. “How can I trust that whatever happened in the past won’t happen again if I don’t know about it?”

Roxas groaned. “Again, that’s not your job anymore. I want you to trust in Axel and me. I want you to believe that we can and _do_ look after each other.”

“It doesn't sound like Axel is very good at looking after you. If you don’t tell me I’m gonna imagine the worst about him.”

“You’re not going to guilt me into telling you, Cloud.” Roxas’ stance changed. Arms folded over chest and stern, hard eyes burrowed into Cloud. “What happened between us is between him and me.”

Cloud grumbled. The wind picked up, taking fountain water with it. The droplets tickled Cloud’s nose. They prickled his arms. It felt so nice. It was too nice a day to be grumpy.

Roxas rubbed the moisture off his face. “The only thing I can say to make you feel better is to tell you that he knows what he did was wrong. I’m not gonna vilify him, Cloud. I’m not gonna keep blaming him for shit and holding it against him. Coz holding shit against each other was what started our whole mess. This is Axel’s and my life. No one else's. It’s nobody else's business -”

“Then why did you involve Zack? Why tell him and not me?” Cloud bit. His anger rose. And if he was honest with himself it’s what hurt the most.

“That’s what this is really about, isn’t it? The fact that I didn’t come to you, yeah?”

Cloud’s grumpy pouted glare seemed to say it all.

“It’s because he could be more objective about the whole thing.”

“Objective?”

“Yeah. He wasn’t going to have a hissy fit and threaten to murder Axel. I know you would have, so don’t even deny it.”

“But I’m your brother. I should be the one you come to for these things.”

Roxas threw him an are-you-kidding-me kind of look.“Do I have to remind you of where you were, Cloud? Because it wasn’t by my side. No. Maybe I would have come to you had you _been there_. But you weren’t. Zack _was_ _there_ for me though. And I don’t want you to feel bad. But I want you to _understand_ why things happened the way they happened. I was never going to have a conversation about Axel and me with you over the phone. And by the time you did come back to me Zack and I already had an understanding and I didn’t want to get you involved. ”

It felt like Cloud had been shot. His mouth hung open. It was shocking and numbing to hear, and the pain of it seeped into his body.

“And I didn’t want to tell you that, because you will get upset about it, but yeah. You forced my hand and now you know.” Roxas huffed lightly, pained regret spreading across his face

Cloud stayed quiet for a moment, still feeling too stunned to talk. He had been dealing with so much of his own shit that he had neglected Roxas… because he had learned to trust in Roxas to look after himself. And his brother _had_ in the best way he had known how. Could he really be upset about it? “That’s - a fair point,” he muttered, dragging his eyes back off the floor and onto Roxas.

Roxas’ face and posture relaxed a little. “I’m sorry.” He softened further and stepped closer towards Cloud. “I’d really just like you to forget about the whole thing. It’s not something you should ever be burdened with knowing about. I just want you to know that Axel and I are _really_ happy together.”

Roxas glanced back across the plaza, drawing Cloud’s eyes that way as well. The brothers smiled as they saw Zack and Axel making their way back towards them. They seemed to be laughing and carrying on.

“He knows that what he did was wrong,” Roxas spoke gently. “Again… I’m not gonna keep blaming him for shit. We’ve learned a lot about how to be with each other. We know the things we need to keep working on. We’ve learned how to love each other right. And that’s what I choose to focus on. That’s all I want you to know about. I hope you can accept that.”

The brothers held each other's gaze for a while. Both looked rather grave.

“I like that you don’t live in the past, Rox. It’s a pretty shit place to be stuck in. I’m working on letting that stuff slide. I’ll make more of an effort to let this go. I do trust you. I believe in you. You’ve always been the emotionally more stable out of the two of us. And I do look up to you because of that.”

Roxas started blushing a little, “Ah geez, Cloud.” He ran a hand through his hair in embarrassment, and laughed nervously.

It made Cloud smile. “I want to be here to support you if you ever need me. I want you to feel like you can come to me and talk to me about stuff. I’ll… work hard on being less of a caretaker for you and being more of a willing ear.”

Roxas’ arms were around Cloud in an instance, and he breathed a, “Thanks,” into Cloud’s ear. “I’m just happy to know I have my brother back.”

Cloud wrapped his own arms around Roxas, pulling him as close as possible. “I’ll do my best.”

They stayed like that for a few moments before another body slammed into the back of Cloud and another set of arms wound around, followed by a shout of, “Group hug!”

Cloud groaned from the squeeze. “Get off me, Axel.” He tried to shake him off but then another set of arms wound around, causing even more of a squeeze.

Roxas giggled against Cloud’s neck and Zack’s laughter also rang in Cloud’s ears. The whole squeeze increased as another set of arms went around.

“Urgh, c’moooon, guys.”

“Shhh, quit struggling and just enjoy the moment,” Zack’s voice hummed from somewhere behind.

“You wouldn’t enjoy it either if you had Rox and Axel making out right next to your face,” Cloud protests, arching his face as far away from the two of them, as they began kissing over Cloud's shoulder. He definitely didn’t appreciate being stuck in the middle.

Zack laughed some more and the group hug only lasted a few more moments. “All right, enough grossing out your brother, Rox.” Zack let go and pulled Cloud out of the middle of the sandwich and into his arms.

“This isn’t making out. It’s innocent displays of affection,” Axel defended and placed a kiss on Roxas’ forehead.

“Whatever.” Cloud turned to face Zack. “How’d it go?”

A bright smile was given. “Yeah, it’s all good actually. We didn’t interrupt anything, did we?”

“No. Roxas wants to have us over for lunch at their restaurant.”

“Yeah?” Zack positively beamed over to Roxas and Axel.

“Yup. On the house and everything,” Roxas enthused.

“Awesome! Wanna go, Cloud?”

“Sure. But it’s still too early.”

“Yeah, but we do actually need to get moving. We’ll see you guys there at around one?”

Cloud nodded at Axel and then after a bit more small talk Roxas and Axel left to go prepare and open for the soon approaching lunch crowd.

Gaze lingered on the direction they had left until Zack's voice and presence encroached on Cloud. “So what you wanna do for the next couple of hours?”

All Cloud could give was a shrug and a “Dunno. Whatever you're comfortable with doing, I guess.”

Arm slung around Cloud's shoulder and Zack began maneuver them through the city plaza. “You've lived here for longer than I have. Show me around.”

So Cloud did. They wandered the streets of Wutai for a while, both played tour-guide for one another. Cloud explained current and future projects going on around the city, and Zack from time to time spoke about something from his past whenever they walked by something noteworthy.

* * *

 

Eventually 1pm rolled around and they made their way to the restaurant. It was quite packed but Roxas found space for them on a small table in one corner of the tiny restaurant, which in truth was more akin to a bar.

While they waited for their meals Cloud watched how jovial everyone seemed to be. Zack happily chatted about the atmosphere and how different it all was to Radiant Gardens. Cloud sort of tuned it out though as he became engrossed watching his brother manage and interact with Axel. He still felt disgruntled about the whole thing.

“We running a surveillance mission?” Zack joked, nudging Cloud, who sat adjacent from him.

“Huh?” It brought him out of his daze. “Sorry. What were you saying?”

“Nothing that can’t wait. You still worried about them?”

“Mmm… always will.” Cloud forced his eyes off the pair, who were happily chatting to each other and some of the patrons sitting by the counter closest to the small kitchen area beyond.

“Have you talked to Roxas?”

“Yeah. He told me not to worry. So… I’m gonna try. But maybe I’ll start tomorrow.”

Zack chuckled. “They seem pretty happy. Axel had nothing but good things to say about their relationship. I think he’s grown up a lot since being down here, if that helps at all.”

Cloud chewed on his chopstick ends thoughtfully. “I told Rox I'd try to be more of a brother to him, instead of a parent. You'll tell me if I'm being too hypervigilant, won't you?”

“I've always got your back,” came the reassurance.

“Thanks.” His eyes drifted back to his brother but he pulled back and focused on Zack when he heard his soft laughter. “Sorry.”

“Oh it's fine. You see me all the time. I get that I'm now boring to look at,” Zack said with mischief in his voice.

It made Cloud sigh with exasperation. “I never get sick of looking at you.”

“Prove it,” came the challenge, accompanied by a grin.

And then they were engaged in a staring match. Zack pulled faces to try and crack Cloud's no-nonsense facade, to no avail. All Zack managed to do was make himself blink first, to which Cloud responded with a small self-satisfied smirk.

Rubbing at his eyes and squeezing them shut tight for a few moments Zack complained, “I'll beat you one of these days. Mark my words.”

“Dreams don't count, Zack.”

“Cheeky,” he laughed lightly, and reached for his drink, taking a long sip.

Cloud felt his interest turning towards the kitchen once more when he heard Axel's loud, obnoxious laugh. But he forced himself to not look. “You seemed to be doing okay out in the plaza today.”

“Yeah,” but Zack sighed somewhat heavily, putting his mug back down. “It’s all a good start. I got some stuff off my chest.”

“It wasn’t as bad as you thought it would be, right?”

Cloud got a warm smile and an affectionate touch on his arm. “It hurts, but nowhere near as bad as I thought it would. I think it helps that the people here still maintain their energy and spirit.”

As if to prove some sort of a point the crowd at the counter roared with laughter. It drew everyone's attention in that direction but after seeing nothing but smiles from Roxas and Axel, Cloud turned back towards Zack. “This place fixes you from the inside out,” he muttered, putting the chopsticks down which he had been playing with for far too long.

“Yeah. I think it does too. But… that’s not the only thing.”

“No?”

“You help me too.”

Cloud felt embarrassment heat him up. He grabbed for his own drink to try and put a barrier up between Zack and his reddening face. Zack had the weirdest way of embarrassing Cloud at times. Being so loved and appreciated still came as a foreign concept to him.

Zack chuckled and gazed at him affectionately, reaching up to brush some hair out of Cloud’s face. It did nothing to help Cloud's discomfort.

“I’d be a lot less happy without you in my life, Cloud.”

That made his face prickle with even more heat. But he managed to get out, “Same for me, Zack,” with an even and calm tone.

“If you ever want to move down here, I wouldn’t say no,” Zack put forth casually.

Cloud finally lowered his mug. “Really? You’ve made your decision?”

“I could live down here, as long as it’s with you,” he smiled and tilted his head to the side.

It was too adorable. Cloud gave him a soft smile and clasped their hands together, interlacing fingers.

“All right. Meals ready. Hope you enjoy.” Roxas placed two large bowls of ramen before either of them, breaking the moment.

“Awesome! Thanks Rox! I’m starving!” the two men’s hands pulled apart and Zack grabbed his chopsticks.

“If you need more noodles or broth just wave me down.”

“What a champ,” Zack cheered and dug in.

“Thanks, Rox,” and Cloud dug into his own bowl, enjoying the meal and the atmosphere of the place.

* * *

 

When evening came and the dinner crowd had finally gone Cloud and Zack came around again to meet up with Roxas and Axel. Their restaurant wasn't too far from the centre of the city and its temple complex so they walked over, enjoying the relatively cool breeze.

Roxas, Axel and Zack were several paces ahead, raving to one another about goodness knows what. Cloud choose to walk at a more leisurely gait behind the main party. After a while Axel broke off and fell behind, leaving Cloud no choice but to say, “Hey.”

“Sup?”

“Not much. Had enough of them?”

“They started talking about the church and everyone there, so I don't feel I can contribute much to that.”

“Fair enough.”

They kept walking in silence, but not for too long.

“You still don't like me much, huh?”

“Not particularly.”

Axel made a sound halfway between a sigh and a groan.

“Whether I like you or not’s irrelevant though. I'm not going to do anything to interfere in my brother's life anymore.”

“I guess that's as good as it'll get, huh?”

Cloud shrugged.

“I love him.”

“I know. And he loves you. Just… don't you _dare_ do anything ever again that might hurt him.”

“I'd rather die than let something bad happen to him.”

“I'll be more than happy to arrange that if you ever mess up again.”

“Noted.”

* * *

They eventually got to the temple complex and wandered into the small shrine for Avalanche members. Zack and Axel waited outside leaving Roxas and Cloud to light candles and do whatever they needed to do.

Cloud had been carrying his father's dog tag in his pocket all afternoon. He hardly ever looked at it back home and it had been the very last thing he had stuffed in his bag before leaving on this trip. He had still thought of leaving it with his mom up in Nibelheim but made a grab for it last minute, just in case it felt better to leave it here instead.

He took it out now staring at it, and how the candle and firelight caught and reflected off the metal.

“Is that…”

“Yeah.”

Roxas scooched closer and Cloud handed it to him, glad to be rid of the weight of it even for a small moment.

He had told Roxas about it. He had told him about that day he had said goodbye to Sephiroth. A distinct heaviness still resided in his chest when his mind went to that memory.

“What're you gonna do with it?” Roxas’ fingers carefully traced around the edges and over the engraved name and number.

“I thought to maybe leave it here. Since I took the photo. But…” He watched the fire in the pit, listened to it crackling and spitting softly.

“You think he should be with mom?”

“Mm. If he had stayed with her in the first place we'd never have gotten into so much trouble, right?” Cloud found it in himself to chuckle at that thought. Like things in life were ever guaranteed.

“Maybe,” came the response in the form of a mutter.

“Hmm?” 

Roxas handed Cloud the tag back. “I can't even imagine what kind of a life we'd be living right now if none of that stuff had ever happened to us. Would I be happy? Would _you_ be happy?” He shrugged. “The main thing is that we're happy now. Right?” Roxas gave him a searching look. 

It drew a small amused huff out of Cloud. Roxas was sometimes more parental than Cloud - always checking in on him. He was infinitely glad for it. “Yeah, we’re both happy.”

It made Roxas smile and he leaned his head against Cloud's shoulder. The fire continued to crackle. The incense perfumed the air. It was a timeless moment, far removed from all worldly concerns.

“Things were so wrong the last time I was here,” Cloud reflected. 

“You’ve come a long way. I think mom and dad would be proud of you, Cloud.”

It drew a smile out of him, because he could actually kind of believe it within himself. “They'd be proud of you too, Rox.” He pressed his cheek against the top of Roxas’ head and rested there.

“Thanks.” 

Cloud could hear the smile in his brother's voice. They stayed like that for a while. Cloud’s thoughts roamed, but largely rested on his father.

“I'm sorry I blamed you, dad. You did the best you could for the people you loved,” he said quietly. 

Roxas found Cloud's hand, which was still holding the dog tag and squeezed him gently. “Cloud and I are gonna keep working on making you and mom proud of us,” he enthused. “We’re both happy. We’ve got awesome friends and people who love us.”

“And we’ll always have each other.” Cloud kissed the top of Roxas’ head, which caused his brother to nuzzle into his shoulder slightly.

The fire danced merrily and then there was a small knock on the door behind them and it slid open as quietly as possible.

Both men looked around to see Zack peeking his head in. 

“Is it all right to come in? Axel's getting cold.”

Roxas laughed. “Ax could get cold in a sauna.”

Axel's head popped up behind Zack's. “It's true. Do I get a sympathy vote and get allowed in?”

Without hesitation Cloud said, “Sure,” and turned back around to gaze into the fire, while Axel gave a quiet cheer. The sound of the door sliding open and shut sounded and creaking floorboards sounded. Zack took the floor space beside Cloud and Axel snuggled in next to Roxas.

“Everything okay?” Zack murmured against Cloud’s ear as he got himself comfortable.

Cloud turned his head and met Zack’s lips for a kiss. “Yeah.” They smiled at each other and settled down. 

The four men stayed in the peaceful shelter of the shrine, quietly talking from time to time until the fire burned down.

[](http://smg.photobucket.com/user/ili_chan/media/Art/TFANL%20shrine%20group.jpg.html)

_____❤_____

* * *

  
  
  


**Author's Note:**

> Comments and Kudos are always appreciated. 
> 
> Not quite sure what sort of comments to leave? Here is a handy-dandy guide! (taken from [NimblesNotebook](http://nimblesnotebook.tumblr.com) on Tumblr)  
> 1\. At what point did you feel like “Ah, now the story has really begun!”  
> 2\. What were the points where you found yourself skimming?  
> 3\. Which setting in the story was clearest to you as you were reading it? Which do you remember the best?  
> 4\. Which character would you most like to meet and get to know?  
> 5\. What was the most suspenseful moment in the story?  
> 6\. If you had to pick one character to get rid of, who would you axe?  
> 7\. Was there a situation in the story that reminded you of something in your own life?  
> 8\. Where did you stop reading?  
> 9\. What was the last book/fanfic you read, before this? And what did you think of it?  
> 10\. Finish this sentence: “I kept reading because…”
> 
> Any requests for this universe, let me know.


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